Fml.

Because I am shallow as the rain's puddle.

I failed this test that was given, and now I have no right to ask of more because if they weren't what I'd imagined, I'd probably toss them out.

Love

So what's it to you?

This past week, I was under an emotional push. A damsel in distress if you will, until a knight in shining armor dropped by. But before you all think it's all a love story after that. Rest assured, I'm not falling for some idiot who think he can take an advantage of me. Though it doesn't mean I didn't need him, he helped me in more ways he knows. So I thank the person in control of these things for the perfect timing.

Today was the new episode of .. drumroll puh-lease.

10 Things I Hate About You!

How sad is it that this show got me through the day today? I can feel something so much more than a teenage romance coming on between Patrick Verona and Kat which makes me giddy. Giddier than a love-struck schoolgirl, if you know what I'm saying. I like saying his full name, Patrick Verona, and for Kat, what is her last name?

So I actually had to give out a statement today. Sitting there in the midst of tension and old people, I realized what a joke this world is. Sure there are serious topics, but what matters is taken so lightly. When truth is what counts, here we are building the world up on lies. I wish not to be taken part in it, but there is not one being in this world who was able to conquer lies.

People claim the kids from the city are missing out on a lot, such as the earth's starry nights.

But to me, the city lights are my stars. They're all just sparkles, what difference does it make, when the sparkles are from difference does it make when they're from different sources?

We're young and restless. But today, we're possessed Japanimations.

Love to my dear Christine

& Love to everyone else

Boy, girl. Girl, boy.

I've been delaying my blog posts for a while now.

I don't know if it's because I'm lazy or because I didn't want to start talking about something I do not want to confront yet.

Do you guys ever feel uneasy about what could be yours? Like you don't want to lose it, but it's something that does not belong to you in the first place?

It's like the fine line between jealousy and possessive greed.

I'll talk to you guys again in the future.

Love

Hello.

GO HERE: zombiepagentqueens.blogspot.com

please and thank you

Love

What comes first, the Chicken McNugget or the Egg McMuffin?

500 Days of Summer wasn't a love story.. but it was a refreshing twist.

I'm trying to teach myself how to play Boston by Augustana. 

So far, I'm pretty dang close to giving in, but I'm hoping I won't. For once.

http://www.poodwaddle.com/clocks2.htm

Check out that link up there ^

Right now, almost 5 million are affected by an evil out of the 6 billion in the world. 

This evil tends to drain so much from our families and friends. 

Yes, it is a disease.

A disease with no positive known cure. 

If you already pretty much guessed what this is, you're right. It's cancer.

So I want to talk about a little story of mine I witnessed.

I have a pastor in my church, who's been preaching all his life. And to prove it, he was my mom's youth group leader in high school way back when. 

This guy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage 3 about 3 years ago. Now, I don't know if you know, but pancreatic cancer at it's 3rd stage is fatal. You could leave earth in the next hour or the next month. It's unpredictable and critical. He was in a horrible condition, but to some miracle, he survived. I to this day believe it is the power God holds that determines when you will pass on. 

He battled cancer, and won.

Happy ending.

But just a couple months ago, he found out that he now had lung cancer. We were all worried but were confident he could win this war again. However, he's been through too much of the medication and chemo therapy that now his body isn't responding to any of them. Which means he can't be helped by our technology, and he has to fight this purely on his raw will.

We are yet to hear more of this story.

The fact is, he won't have what it takes to survive this second time. I knew him all my life. The last time I saw him, he was half the weight he used to be, at the very least. He didn't have much strength to talk. But he managed to compose a face that is comforting to everyone no matter how much we knew.

I'm not sure if you'll understand what I mean, but I'm trying to say if it weren't for my grandmother's death, I would still be a little kid that hasn't been hit with the fact of death yet.

That's how much more I believe in life than death.

Love

Spring rolls,the Kardashians, and some legit human beings.

Today feels like it's been a long day. Like 2 days combined. Maybe it's all the driving. But it sure feels nice to be back home on my bed.

I'm warming up my cold lap with my laptop, it can be the best heater around. I'm literally stuffed, I feel like if another bite goes down my throat, I will suffocate and die.. This is because I found my 2nd favorite dish, spring rolls. I never really cared much for those, until I made them at home, it is so much better than buying them. It is definitely worth getting your hands dirty for. What's my numero uno favorite dish you ask? Well, that's a story for another day. Someday, I will take a whole entry dedicating it to it. Deal?

A new episode of "Keeping it up with the Kardashians" is on at 10 tonight, which happens to be one of my favorite shows along with "It's on with Alexa Chung", and "10 Things I Hate About You".

Today I visited my future home for the next 6 months. It is a tiny place, and I will probably try to spend as much time out. The only upside to this place is the recreation room because I'm in need of their treadmill and cycling. But I probably won't even use it when someone's there, because it is just an embarrassment, making them hear me huff and puff. And now, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

As I mentioned on my video blog, the movie Julie and Julia is just darling, you must go watch it. Speaking of movies, is 500 Days of Summer any good? Half the people I know complained that it was horrible, and the other half fell in love with it. They're all so misleading. I'll probably like it because I'm not much of a touch critic, and I love myself a good love flick. 

So today I wore my bamboo earrings and everyone in church thought it was pretty funny. When we all got treated to some Starbucks, they told the baristas my name was Shanaynay. Which pretty much sums up this picture..

Speaking of my church, our retreat pictures were uploaded on Facebook. And they have this one picture of myself which I found yesterday. Basically, your partner and yourself had to help each other get across the tightrope, but we eventually fell. And the guys happened to take a perfect picture.

 

ha. ha. just zoom in, and LOOK at my feet.

This next one, no one would be able to resist but to put this up.

 

Brian is a football player. Paul is going to college.

When they were walking the rope, they were whispering "I love you" in each other's ears. I know, adorable, right?

***

One of these guys threw me a lifeline. Or, both of them. But one in particular, because I wrote about him. 

 

He opened my eyes to the life I've been living.

Is this entry getting too long? I feel like I have so much to report, but I'll leave it at this for now.

Real people wouldn't act on their whim when it comes to people they adore, right? This is seriously an answer I'm desperately searching for, so I'm going to say it isn't rhetorical.

Love

The truth of my own words hit me hard.

I just saw the funniest video Christine put up on twitter. It's this japanese contest winner of some sort and she visits the set of Harry Potter, and meets Rupert Grint, that lucky dame. But the whole thing is just hilarious. 

Orbit came up with a new flavor of gum. I decided to try it, I mean why not. I'm a daredevil if you say so, a risk-taker. Ha. Strawberry-mint. 

But  I didn't like it, a clear disappointment.

I think it's a nasty little invention. 

Next time I see a new flavor, I'm sticking to my Cinnamon gums.

I think I'm posting a whole lot of blogs these days. I think I put one up everyday of the week this week. 

One of my pet peeves are kids and sex. I mean kids my age and sex together. Why are you in such a rush to lose your virginity? To me, it's just pitiful and rash. I'm guessing kids that go through with it this young think of it just as a physical connection. But to my understanding, it's just so much more than that, and I'm dying for them to acknowledge this. I think most of us just believe too much of what the media feeds us, and it really can't be healthy. The media's one big joke, and I'm trying to be smart enough to realize it's not at all like how it goes.

So, I want to be pure until marriage. That's what I want, and I'm not even gonna tell myself I'll bend the curve when I find the One, because that's just weakening the bar. Both you and your partner have to be ready to accept this way of love and keep it. I know this might sound weird, but I've had a recently married couple tell others and myself about how they needed to keep it clean throughout their dating life. They both admitted on how hard it was. Because in the end, who's even going to know. But what it's really about is respect for yourself more than the respect people will give you.

It's just a way of life I chose. Thought I'd share that with you kids.

I'm here looking online for some vintage-y, antique-y posters for my new room. I also got the new Ikea catalog next to me. Every time the topic of me moving comes up in a conversation, and I repeat to different people over and over that I'll be leaving LA, it reminds me the truth of my own words I did not hear before. Every time I say the words "I'm moving" it hits me in different ways. 

And that makes me think. How would other people interpret whatever anyone else says?

I'm sure everyone understands it in a whole new level than what others meant it to mean. 

Which changes communication entirely, in ways we won't even think of.

Love

D) It is written

So I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" today,

I feel very slow and out of style watching it like a year or so late.

But I must say, it was as good as all the award shows put it. 

I have nothing really good to ramble on about today, but my dear Christine feels like she's in the mood to read a blog. And whatever she wants, she gets. That brat.

I feel like everyone is controlled, or even tortured by their desires. How can such accessories in life have so much authority over us? The spectral presence they hold,  making them an impetuous desire haunts each one of us day and night. 

Some day when the world is good, we'll be freed from all this.

This is the inner-chola in me.

Love

Hi, I don't know where I'll be living a week from today.

I made some hair bows from scraps I found. 

The first one is ivory tulle, with star gems in them.

The second is some material which I don't know the name of. But it's pink and shiny and I'm on board with anything pink and shiny.

Do you like? or is it too much for me to pull off?

Mm, and the title pretty much sums everything I have on my mind.

Love

The week of August 9th is the official Cat Week

So what am I now supposed to do, what Is there to do after all your tears have been dried out, when what you want is too painful, and what you don’t want is so convenient. When what seems like you can’t live without is discord.

It’s weird what kinds of physical pains emotional pains bring out, isn’t it?

As much as I’ve repeated before that I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all, like that one Three Days Grace song, times like this make me want to go back on my word. Because I feel I’m too weak to deal with this agony, and I’m sure a lot of you all understand.

Take a look at my daily horoscope for August 10

Sagittarius

Believe it or not, you can change things and still have time left over for fun. All that energy isn't going to do you much good if you're just sitting there, so get out in the world and make a difference.

I decided to put this up, because this sort of had a deeper meaning than what it is on the surface. 

I would probably be able to die for who I would live for, is there anyone who you would give up your own life for? Because in the end, isn't all life equal in value?

Love

Triceps? Biceps?

So I'm back today from that short get away. 

This retreat, I gained a lot more grace than I had expected, it was actually quite mind blowing. I'm just so bummed it lasted only so long. I met a new friend. And oh man, this guy is only a junior now? He just captured my heart. He has so much love flowing in him, so much passion, and I've grown to adore him so much. I mean I probably only spent a couple of minutes throughout the whole weekend actually getting to know him, but it was incredible how much respect he gained from me. I can only wish I get to meet him sometime again and really befriend him. He puts me to shame, and his intentions make me tear up every time. This guy was legit, I mean he was the real deal, you dig? He wasn't an imitation and you can tell this guy is just genuinely good. It's sad, I don't think he knows I feel this way about him. Ha, and it can't feel any more weirder to praise someone so human. 

And here's an answer to your question.. 

Expressing myself in this way gives me the goosebumps, I mean in writing, being able to put my thoughts on the screen, on paper. My words are my friends. Because you know that everyone in the world isn't as privileged as us here.

I hope it's not so weird to say, I love him in some ways.

And honestly, I can't say I wasn't inspired by him.

But then again, I can't say I wasn't inspired by anyone there, all the teachers and volunteers really got a hold of my heart.

I think the elevation difference up there made my skin really dry or something? 

Because I put on like heavy duty lotion 10 times a day but it still didn't help the cracking and what not of my hands and feet, it's actually painful. But now that I'm back here in the city, it's all good. Just got to heal.

Speaking of things to heal. My arms are mad sore. I'm guessing it was the rock climbing. But it could've been the canoeing. Who knows for sure. 

And speaking of canoeing, my canoe was flipped over. I wish I can say it was the highlight of the weekend, but frankly I can't. I'm dying for you all to catch the enthusiasm of the tone I used there.

Does anyone read my blogs? I think it's only my beloved Christine who reads it. So, here's a shout out to you girlfriend. And what the hey, a picture for you too.

But why does that matter right? As long as I get to keep some record of my thoughts these days because I have no idea where it's flying off to these days.

Love

Like the word: fluke.

I'm back like I said I would.

I'll be out of LA for a retreat this weekend.

When I was writing the blog this afternoon I had so much to write about, that I decided I'd make a second blog but now that I'm here, I forgot everything I was gonna tell you kids about.

Oh! Jasmine was over just an hour ago or so. We watched The Haunting in Connecticut, this was no joke, the first time we've hung this entire summer.

Dearest Christine, I'm thanking you. 

Because I ended up eating the granola bars today.

I developed the pictures on my disposable camera, it was a big disappointment. I knew I had taken the pictures way too close for it to be clear enough, all the pictures turned up fuzzy and gay. But I'll take that as the beauty of its kind, their only choice in life is to produce untouched and raw images. Where's the fun when the pictures have been tweaked?

Speaking of photos, I did get the batteries for my digital camera, to put some pictures up. But frankly, I am just too lazy right now to be doing that. I'll try and get to it when I'm back from the retreat.

And, speaking of the retreat, I'm packing right now, and have been packing for quite some time. Truthfully, I really despise packing. I honestly hate that feeling in your gut that tells you that you've forgotten to take something. I hate the way you have to try and coordinate all your clothes so you don't look like you're a tourist. I'm still waiting on my brain to tell me I've forgotten my underwear and all that. 

This picture is seriously heart breaking. Makes you think twice before you eat that animal, don't it?

I just saw a back-to-school sale commercial, is it just me, or does everyone's heart tumble a little when they see one. I get trapped in some depression when the first round of back-to-school sale commercial hits. I wonder how grownups feel about it.. Are they happy kids are back into school? Or are they bummed summer's ending? 

But between all that goes on in the world, I always manage to pick me out of the chaos, out of everything. I straighten myself in whatever way I need to get through. I guess that's what they mean by saying that everything in life has 2 meanings. Like the gift of burden, how bittersweet. The way I'm getting through life right now, clearly, the only way I might be surviving.

Love

Paper Hearts Contest

I feel as if it is like human nature for us to stand in line. This second nature of ours' really had me waiting for it to be my turn up the bat. 

Nothing in life comes without waiting.

So I'm actually here to brag about my new cellphone charms! Like you guys are even interested.

This one's some chocolate covered dessert. I think it's a donut, I'm not too sure though.

This one is this like mixture of charms or something, it has a bow, a cherry, a heart and some pearly balls.

This next one is the one and only, ms Strawberry Shortcake. I just love her.

I think I'll be back later tonight to talk some more.

Love

Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars

My insides are really not that good right now, I need a healthy dose of some music. 

So my parents are being gay again and now I'll be moving to Torrance, attending West High. 

I've put up with all of this, but it is just too much for me when they deviate from their plans just as I was starting to get used to the idea.

I see no way where we'll benefit from Torrance except for the fact that it'll mean shorter commute for my daddy. I can't wait for a world of my own where I don't have to be dragged around by my parents' decisions. 

On a brighter note, I spent the day over at Christine's. Way fun. While I was there, I got three more cellphone charms. Finally making my collection a little less awkward. 

My camera is out of battery again, so I won't be able to upload any pictures until I buy batteries. I can't believe it's already the 5th of August 09.

I really don't like this mental countdown I have going on in my head of my days left with Christine, the days left in LA.

I know on one of my first blogs, I wrote for my hatred of this place, but in this short amount of time, I've found out how much I adore this city and my life here. 

Nothing much to report after that.

Love